I admit sometimes I can be demure
please endure
As I reach to find appropriate words
vocal cords
And when I do shall surely say
night and day
Your passion takes my breath away
And though its difficult, shall say it still
I’m drawn towards your sweetest skill
So please endure vocal cords night and day.
Photo credits: favim.com
Form: Ovillejo
Posted for Meeting the Bar @ dVerse Pub
A beautiful poem of love!
Hello Mary,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
a lovely poem.
Hello Misky,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
You rocked the form, & gave us a lovely romantic poem to boot; made me smile, remembering those bygone days.
Hello Glenn,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
This is a sweet write Sanaa ~ Hard to be demure when you want to say a lot of things to someone you like ~
My comment on the form will be the last line – you need to repeat lines 2, 4 & 6 ~
Thanks for joining us and wishing you a wonderful week ~
Hello Grace,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
PS: Thanks for the kind advice 🙂
Hi, Sanaa. This is indeed a beautiful love poem.
Grace is right, though…for a true Ovillejo, your last line should repeat lines 2, 4 and 6.
I think you could tweak this just slightly, and have a perfect Ovillejo. 🙂
Hello De Jackson,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
PS: I ll try and tweak it 🙂
It’s tough the first couple of attempts. I remember wanting to throw my whole thing out the window. Then something just sort of clicks. You’ll get it. You’ve got so much great work here to make it happen.
PS: Lines 5, 6 and 7 should rhyme. I do think “swear” works as a good slant rhyme, if that was your intent…but letting you know, in case a more traditional rhyme on line 7 helps the end for you.
Hello De,
Well I tried it out. Changed it quite a bit 🙂
Hope I got it right now.
Yay! See! Awesome!
I really LOVE your slant rhyme with words/cords. Wonderful.
And I have seen many poets add one word to the last line like you have. I think it works well, and keeps the form from becoming…formulaic. You know?
I think this has all of the great qualities of the original poem, but now fits the form. Well done!
Hello De,
Thank you so much for guiding me through 🙂
Highly appreciated, lots of love 😀
xoxo
PS YAY 😀
Love the end product…wow!
Hello Grace,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
This is very sweet yet deep at the same time. I like that you used unexpected rhyming words in this. Peace, Linda
Hello Linda,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
Very romantic.
Hello Debi,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
sweet,sweet love – how lovely
Hello Candy,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
So lovely…full of love!
Hello Sreeja,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
A sweet plea for patience and time…
Hello Marina,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
To be demure … to be silent… such difficulties to express your feelings when they are needed….
Hello Bjorn,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
Sanaa, came back a second time to see if you had fixed the form a bit. I see you have! I knew you would…as you are good with forms. Smiles! Really nice now.
Hello Mary,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
PS: That was really sweet of you 🙂
Love the photo, love the sweet sweet words here. You’ve conquered the form in a lovely way!
Hello Lillian,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
You did great with the form, Sanaa. I didn’t see it before it got “tweaked” but seems it clicked for you and it came out great. You are a romantic that’s for sure. 🙂
Hello Gayle,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
Your tender words go so well with the photo–lovely.
Hello VB,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
Loved the last line…you give the feel that you are shy until you really get to know someone…and then you like to talk 🙂
Hello Bryan,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.
This is very sweet, romantic and deep…lovely Sanaa…
Hello Sumana,
Thank you so much, so glad you liked it 😀
Highly appreciated, lots of love 🙂
xoxo
SMiLes.. most aMaZing
pArts of mY liFe
are both living
stone cold
shy
and
Sun out
B r i G h t
to find out
how
both
sides
truLy live..
Sun out iS OMG
so much more fun
iN liGht.. i’LL
never go
cOld
stone
again..:)
Hello Katie,
Thanks for stopping by, so glad you liked it 🙂
Highly appreciated, have a great week ahead.