If ever the sun is drenched in longing
and golds along with berry-reds
shimmer beneath the brilliant water,
then it must be November.
I want you to know
that when I observe rushing of blood
in the corridors of my palm,
am reminded of warmth that follows
when we stroll together hand in hand,
everything
that exists around me
the wind, the sweet rustling music
and aroma of rain,
speak to me of you in their own
silent way.
If you forget me,
then memory like Ophelia would drown
depriving me
from the deepest parts of my soul
the cords of my heart would disintegrate
and words
would be buried deep into my skin.
If you forget me,
then remember that I won’t be waiting
I would disregard dreams of you
and gift emotion to constellations in the sky.
But
if at any time, place and hour
you decide that ours is the love worth saving,
if whispers of reconciliation escape
from corner of mournful lips,
then know
that I would close the distance;
I would find you
even if the world is nearing its last
melodious breath.
Photo credits: Pinterest
Posted for ‘Sanaa’s Challenge’ @ Real Toads
And Posted on Open Link Night @ dVerse Pub
This is a fantastic response to the prompt! I like how you included not only the title of Neruda’s poem, but it seemed like you mirrored his writing style, too. I love the line, “If you forget me, / then memory like Ophelia would drown.”
Thank you so much, Jenna 😀 so good to see you ❤️
I love the opening stanza, Sanaa, with its intense colours, and the change in tone in the lines:
‘f you forget me,
then remember that I won’t be waiting’.
I also like how you included not only the title of Neruda’s poem, but also mirrored his style.
Thank you so much, Kim 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
This is my new favorite of yours.
Thank you so much, Annell 😀 so good to see you ❤️
A wonderful tribute to the Neruda writing… I can see how you dived into the poem … and wore his words like a dress.
Thank you so much, Bjorn 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
What a stunning hybrid of Neruda and you. You are woman(poet)–listen to you roar. The poem is both romantic and existential, flinging out one last chance for your lover to retrieve and reprieve your faith and love; both a diatribe and a caress.
Awww gosh! ❤️ Thank you so much, Glenn 😍 so glad you enjoyed it! ❤️
A lovely combination of Neruda and you. I do like the way you mirrored Neruda’s style, sort of re-writing the poem but in your own unqiue way.
Thank you so much, Toni 😀 so good to see you ❤️
I like the last stanza about closing the distance if love is worth saving.
Thank you so much, Frank 😀 so glad you enjoyed it ❤️
You evoked such melancholy and yet hope. Simply beautiful Sanaa.
Thank you so much, Linda 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
Linda is so right, there is a mixture of loss and optimism in this one. I love that the speaker acknowledges the heartbreak, recognizes that life must go on, but… if there is a change that past wonders can be revive, well… then, that will be fantastic, too.
Thank you so much, Magaly 😀 so glad you enjoyed it ❤️
“I would disregard dreams of you
and gift emotion to constellations in the sky.”
such an achingly poignant line
Thank you so much, Jade Li 😀 so good to see you ❤️
I agree with Anella-one of your best ever. I think that even the bard might feel a touch of envy.
Thank you so much, Victoria 😀 so glad you enjoyed it ❤️
Loved your response inspired by one of my favorite poets, Neruda. Your style mimics his but you put in your own sweet response.
Thank you so much, Grace 😀 so good to see you ❤️
A beautiful poem of longing and desire! I loved the line with the blood coursing through the corridors of your palms!
Thank you so much, Dwight 😀 so glad you enjoyed it ❤️
Love’s depths explored magnificently.
Thank you so much, V.J 😀 so good to see you ❤️
Beautiful, especially the closing stanzas.
Thank you so much, Sherry 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
What a wonderful and touching poem celebrating enduring possibility Sanaa… 🙂
Thank you so much, Rob 😀 so good to see you ❤️
Ooh, this is lovely — the way you have emulated Neruda’s form and style and made it your own is admirable. Every stanza drips and drops like the rain of sorrow, and the closing is perfect — the proclamation, the question, and the reprieve all come together beautifully in this tender poem. I loved this bit: “If you forget me,/then remember that I won’t be waiting/I would disregard dreams of you/and gift emotion to constellations in the sky.”
Awwww gosh! ❤️ Thank you so much, Anmol 😀 so glad you liked it! ❤️
How beautifully this expressed the love of the narrator, so sincere, so emotive and so determined. I too loved the reference to Ophelia who had nothing left to live for. What a wonderful poem this is Sanaa.
Thank you so much, Robin 😀 so good to see you ❤️
Seeing and feeling so much here Sanaa –
“I observe rushing of blood
in the corridors of my palm,
am reminded of warmth that follows
when we stroll together hand in hand,
everything”
Thank you so much, Laura 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
Beautifully written in the style of Neruda. Intense and passionate.
Thank you so much, Rall 😀 so glad you enjoyed it ❤️
Oh, this is beautiful. It reaches right down into my heart. One of your best.
Thank you so much, Susie 😀 so good to see you ❤️
If you forget me,
then memory like Ophelia would drown
So many delicate and beautiful lines in this poem, which I adore.
Thank you so much, Kerry 😍 so glad you liked it ❤️
Stunning work, Sanaa!
Thank you so much, Bekkie 😀 so good to see you ❤️
So many great comments, all appropriately laudatory, I have little that I can add…, except… what a sharp tower is forgetting, to so cruelly divide both the remembrance and the loss of it from the quiet sweet hours, not to dash the rush of love upon a jagged shore, but to place her ever on vigil, on call for whispering remembrance – who can bear to hear that song, when the remembrance sounds like turning to Home, but from forgetting lips reveals itself a Siren, merely hungry again? But I digress, and am probably wrong, biased because my love sees my remembering as a cruel forgetting. Yet I too, would like to return, but not if it kills me. This —— IS ——-A ———gorgeous poem Sanaa
Thank you so much, Lona 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
This is an absolute wow, so beautiful and assured. I think Neruda himself would have loved it.
Awwww gosh! ❤️ Thank you so much, Rosemary 😍 so glad you enjoyed it! ❤️
There is something sad about Neruda’s take on love, in my opinion. If you forget me, I’ll forget you. I don’t get that. It seems shallow but maybe I’m missing something.
Love the first stanza the – berry reds shimmering beneath the water’s surface.
Thank you so much, Margaret 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️
This is so, beautiful~ It has this feeling of lost memories, but still they existed-no matter what~ I have this sense of Alzheimer’s and the sadness of lost puzzle pieces of life, yet they always exist. Neruda would love your poem~
I do feel this wilted rose, petals falling off one by one, but there is the theme that loves touches us no matter if it breaks our hearts.
Thank you so much, Ella 😀 so glad you liked it ❤️