Rice paper promises under the hostility of rain,
all those fragile leaves
so easily bent and broken,
the pelting sound is getting louder and
louder,
which makes me wonder as to why drops are heavy,
why drops are thick— almost like hail,
clattering,
clattering, clattering,
until there is nothing but grousing left from the wind.
And then, as dusk turns to night, we escape
the shadows
into the neon light, consuming our daily troubles
a veritable inferno of thunderous bass
and insanely fast drumming,
clang, click, clink, clash, clink, clang, cluck—
one would feel the atmosphere
to be a bit superficial,
but the heart can’t tell the difference.
Still, the rain falls, untamed and unapologetically
herself—there is both chaos
and calm, the night produces
a caterwaul
when it blows through the branches
of trees, washing me clean,
a foolish thing, to be exact, for how can one be
expected to avoid the world’s mud?
This ombre night in shades of frosted plum,
iced violet and soft focus,
he is the moon that follows me,
grace of gentle, conscious forgettery,
an orange blur,
absinthe so potent, it is believed to be
surreal— I beseech,
rise like a lover from the foothills,
so that I may forsake the rain and give in
to mist instead.
One kiss, and suddenly I am a Poet besotted;
this earthy affair has got magnolia petals
pretending to be skin,
asking to be touched by the breeze
and whispering wants, whirring and
whistling.
I ask you, dear reader,
is this poem more about longing for rain
rather than escaping it? Let’s interpret.
Photo credits: Pinterest
Bjorn hosts at dVerse where he invites us to use Onomatopoeia in our poems and to strengthen
the imagery through its sound. Come join us! 🩷
Posted for Meet the Bar with Sound @dVerse Poets Pub
42 Responses
I love all the sounds of rain, but mainly the soft ones, not loud clattering, clashing or angry. I am besotted with the image of the magnolia petals pretending to be skin.
Thank you so much, Grace 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
I found your rain be quite a torment, but with an umbrella it could be OK… I do not long for rain yet though.
Thank you so much, Bjorn 😀 so glad the poem resonated with you💄❤️
(and thank you for the lovely prompt) 🥂
I love an entertaining, eminently readable poem, wonderfully written, telling a story, moody, sultry, cheeky and very visual..thank you for that!
Thank you so much, Ain 😀 so glad you liked it 💄❤️
On the 2nd reading really liked the tension you created in the beginning, before the release. That hostile rain really set the tone, so that when we get to the kiss and petals like skin it is almost a relief as well as sensual…and the last two lines….wonderful!
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The title, ‘the rain falls on the edge of my umbrella’, already evokes sounds for me, as does the rice paper in the opening line, and the repetition of onomatopoeia emphasises the sounds. I felt so sorry for the ‘fragile leaves so easily bent and broken’, and invigorated by the ‘veritable inferno of thunderous bass and insanely fast drumming’.
hank you so much, my dearest Kim 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
“whispering wants, whirring and
whistling”
wonderful sound and a longing to be kissed in the rain is surely the thudding heartbeat of this poem
Awww gosh! Thank you so much, Laura 😀 so glad the poem resonated with you 💄❤️
There is an outer world and inner world that you weave beautifully together.
Thank you so much, Nolcha 😀 so glad you liked it 💄❤️
Creative conjuring to the prompt, Sanaa.
❤️❤️❤️
So elloquently written, Sanaa. I love your opening lines. It immediately gave me the feel of impending disaster as the rice paper soaks up the rain but the continued pelting destroying the whole page… a contract of love gone!
Thank you so much, Dwight 😀 so glad the poem resonated with you 💄❤️
I also chose rain, Sanaa but your Onomatapeia goes above and beyond…
Thank you so much, Andrew 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
So many sounds, so much imagery. The questions at the end were unexpected, and an effective method to make the reader feel the poem even more.
Thank you so much, D. Avery 😀 so glad the poem and its imagery appealed to you 💄❤️
I agree with D. Avery about the questions at the end. They made me think about what I’m longing for or wanting to escape (ironically, in this case, my poem is about beseeching mother nature to stop the storm). I love the colors here: “ombre night in shades of frosted plum, iced violet” and here “gentle, conscious forgettery, an orange blur” and love the word you created there, ‘forgettery’. Nice!
Thank you so much, Kim 😀 so glad the poem resonated with you 💄❤️
Wonderful onomatopoeia in your poem worthy of pondering, Sanaa! We do want to be washed clean of this world’s mud and i love your final question.
Thank you so much, Lynn 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
Wow! So many images and sounds, lovely poem <3
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“he is the moon that follows me,
grace of gentle, conscious forgettery,”
Luv this 😊
Much♡love
Thank you so much, Gillena 😀 so glad you liked it 💄❤️
I like the way you engage the readers in your poem, Sanaa. 🙂
Thank you so much, Kitty 😀 so good to see you 💄❤️
Rice paper promises
This ombre night in shades of frosted plum,
iced violet and soft focus
The sounds were done well but these lines stole my heart
Thank you so much, Debi 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
Hi Sanaa, I love the vivid sounds and descriptions in this poem. As I come form a ‘dry’ country where rain is a wonderful treasure, I understand a longing for rain.
Thank you so much, Robbie 😀 so glad the poem resonated with you 💄❤️
How magically you bring us right into your rainy world, Sanaa, and then in the intimacy of your gorgeous, sense-laden words, address the reader so archly! I especially love —
“This ombre night in shades of frosted plum,
iced violet and soft focus,
he is the moon that follows me,
grace of gentle, conscious forgettery,
an orange blur”
Stunning word-smithing as always, Sanaa.
Awwww gosh! Thank you so much, Dora 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️
A magical poem with wonderful sounds like,
‘caterwaul’, and ‘magnolia petals pretending to be skin.’
“This ombre night in shades of frosted plum,
iced violet and soft focus, ”
A gorgeous description of night.
Thank you so much, Sara 😀 so glad you liked it 💄❤️
Love all the sounds that you brought together so stunningly, Sanaa! The last stanza waa especially gorgeous. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much, Punam 😀 so glad you enjoyed it 💄❤️